One must be cautious when asking God to reveal things of the heart to him or her: he or she must be ready for Him to answer. How many times have we prayed David’s prayer and not truly expected an answer? Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. – Psalm 139:23-24 The thing is, He does answer!
Over the last week, I struggled a lot with my emotions. I mentioned in a previous post that I have a past that haunts me from time to time. Although it has been a long week, God truly has done a work in my life. I cannot thank Him enough for that.
Because I never dealt with these issues properly, they never were resolved in my heart. I unfortunately have a knack of locking things away and ignoring them. That, my friend, is not a talent of God but of the devil. God knew it was time to unleash these hidden things and make me deal with them. If I didn’t, they would continue to hinder me in ways that they should not.
I cried many tears in prayer throughout the week, and confessed some things of my past to a dear friend, and through it all I believe God healed me. Some of it will always remain a part of me, but I am now learning that it does not need to control me. It does not change who I am today.
A thought did cross my mind that God only allows us what we can handle. Maybe, up until this point, I couldn’t handle it. Emotional things have always been very difficult for me to overcome. Either way, God knows best, and I love Him so much!
One great thing about my heavenly Father is that in revealing this to me, He never let go of my hand. He did not make me deal with this alone in any sense. He talked me through it, as any good father would, and He embraced me in the moments of emotional outpour. I think I finally confronted some emotions that I never knew were there.
Another amazing thing about my Saviour is what He told me in my private prayer times. I don’t feel the need to expel everything, but I will tell you a verse that He gave me in my devotions: Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. – Isaiah 43:18
See, the devil likes to think that he can throw past sins in our face and make us believe that even though Jesus forgave us, we will still not be blessed in ways others will. He tries to make us feel like the Lord has the “I will forgive you, but you will still pay” mentality. Nothing could be further from the truth! My Father forgives AND forgets.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. – Psalm 103:12
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children; – Psalm 103:17
So, I praise the Lord for the emotionally trying week I have endured as it has strengthened me in many ways. As my pastor has been preaching on, growth in the Lord is important and a journey. I often say, like with a child, growth spurts can be painful, but they are essential and a great thing!
God is rewarding me for dealing with this by allowing me to go to Toledo and hear some amazing preaching! We go tonight, stay the night, and go to numerous services tomorrow. This will be followed by visiting the bus kids on Saturday, a bonfire Saturday night, and the Lord’s Day Sunday – who could ask for more? My Father spoils me sometimes!!! 🙂